tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-81977143815603949212024-03-13T03:24:38.244-07:00The ChristensonsEd and Amandahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15457431683690273525noreply@blogger.comBlogger97125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8197714381560394921.post-52133059326670135362016-04-09T17:20:00.004-07:002016-04-09T17:20:55.235-07:00Questival <div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
Ed and his team are loving Questival! They are tired, but not giving up! </div>
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<br />Ed and Amandahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15457431683690273525noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8197714381560394921.post-42100836866436842532014-08-28T21:53:00.000-07:002014-08-28T21:53:25.660-07:00Risk to be real. "There'll be a falling out that I've no wish to see<br />
If we don't call each other out<br />
Then we will both get off scott free<br />
And you can be you and I'll get to stay me"<br />
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This Rachael Yamagata song played tonight and it reminded me of couples in therapy and then it reminded me of myself at times. It feels safer not to mention anything, not to make ripples in any relationship. But that's such a lie! It's so much more genuinely safe to have REAL relationships. The kind where you can actually be yourself and the other person can be themselves. And the real selves may drive each other mad sometimes, but it's all out on the table. All the frustration and hurt is on the table as well as all the love. Change is a scary thing. Every one of my clients wants so deeply for life to be different, but all of them have some sense of fear that if they try, they may still be unhappy or that the trying is too painful/scary/different. I get it. I hate change, it takes me a really long time to adjust to things. And most times, I have a terrible attitude about it. I'm pessimistic, thinking of the worst that could happen (anxiety). And when things don't go smoothly, I blame someone or something. Then when that doesn't do the trick, I blame myself for being weak, emotional, or scared of life. Yeesh, self disclosure...to this unknown corner of the internet. Those last words, "I'll get to stay me", they sound so comfortable. But just because we are comfortable, doesn't mean we are being real. It's actually pretty UNcomfortable to be real nowadays. I think part of me is always resisting change or directions from others, you know that thing where someone tells you to do something, even lightly suggests or tiptoes around it and it's automatically like, "yeah, no", just because someone else said it? That's me 100%. Unless you are someone I really look up to and then I will believe anything and everything you say. I'm just writing over here, feeling really thankful that I have a handful of people in my life who I do feel comfortable enough to be myself, admit to my mistakes, and make ripples. The only reason I know I can do this is because I've been brave enough to risk it and then in turn, these people have responded with acceptance and understanding. Sometimes even praise. It feels so good to be your ugly, imperfect self that you started hiding back in elementary school because you thought it wasn't cool and to have people say, "I actually love that about you". But they can never say that to you if you don't risk it! You may be rejected. People might turn away saying, "You're too honest" or, "You're not fitting into my idea of you". And of course that hurts. But you try again. And you find the people who are worth showing. Those are the people who say, "Hey, you're kinda weird, and it's kind of refreshing, I think I'll be weird with you!". And that's a match. Thank you husband, sister, brother, best friends, parents, select in-laws, kids, and pets who give me the space to be myself. It's been a journey, one in which I will always be on. Being brave enough to own who you are and your emotions is something I will always respect in others and strive for. That's why therapy clients are as brave as they come. <br />
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Okay, done. Ed and Amandahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15457431683690273525noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8197714381560394921.post-17862633344779802512014-06-09T22:26:00.000-07:002014-06-09T22:26:00.077-07:00Post grad school I'm sitting here in my bed, wondering why I even have a blog. It's basically my journal I guess (that I never write in). Life after grad school is well...boring, very adult, a bit lonely, freedom, nostalgia, and good self-care. It's so many things. Some things are good, like having free time to focus on my health, mental sanity, and husband. But other parts are less good, like not being around people, not constantly learning new information, and having more feelings of responsibility. Even though I have much less "stuff" to do, I feel more pressure on me to make money, get licensed, and make this degree useful. At first, watching hours of t.v., having alone time, and reading my choice of books was great, but now it's pretty boring and lonely. I will say though, getting paid to do therapy is a very nice change.<br />
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Anyway, I obviously have mixed emotions about it and could keep writing for a few pages on that. <br />
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Life lately has been good. Ed and I have started a new diet that might kill me. It's no sugar, no flour, and low fat. It literally cuts out everything good and tasty. Every day we eat greek yogurt, vegetables, fruits minus bananas, chicken, and the occasional wild rice or couscous. Also boiled eggs. That may not sound so horrible, but day after day, I'm going crazy. I'm literally having dreams about sugar. Two nights ago in my dream, there was a great party outside on the lawn with a bonfire and dancing with all my family and best friends. I stopped by in a bakery shop to order some treats for the party (this was during the day when the party was just getting started). Then the owner of the shop, a sweet old lady, offered me the bowl to lick. She had just made some cake batter. I gladly accepted and licked the bowl clean. Then she kept offering me bowl after bowl: cookie dough, brownie batter, even caramel for making caramel apples. I COULD NOT stop. I saw the party outside and by this time it was pitch black outside, I was missing the whole party, but I couldn't tear myself away from the treats. When I finally pulled myself away from the bakery and went to the party, it started raining and everyone ran away.<br />
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I won't even get into the dream I had last night about being at Molly's, one of my favorite places to eat. Yikes, I never knew how much I loved sugar and it's literally in everything! The diet is working so far, so I'm keeping with it. Ed is a champ and is doing it with me to be supportive. He obviously has nothing to lose in the body fat department, but it's so much easier when your spouse is on board too.<br />
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In other news, we are planning an awesome trip with our friends to California soon. I can't wait to sink my feet in the sand and laugh until I cry. Also, Tess is coming home from her mission! Now I know I shouldn't be too excited about this because she wasn't supposed to be coming home until December and she's having really painful health problems, but I'm actually so happy!<br />
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I started a quilt. Yes, I'm that bored.<br />
I'm reading books. Yes, I'm that bored. <br />
I'm going to the rec center every day and doing insanity, piyo, and u-jam classes...so good!<br />
Ed is still working like 5 jobs and trying to finish his thesis.<br />
Kona is more cuddly and comes in between us each night to get pet, purr, and stays there for about an hour while we are falling asleep. <br />
Pearl is a dog. Who knew we were getting a puppy when we took her from Reagan's farm. She rolls in the dirt, digs holes outside, and yelps like a puppy. And yes, she still sucks on my ear, only mine :)<br />
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Lots of my friends just had babies or are pregnant. To say I'm baby hungry is an understatement, but I'm still deathly afraid of being pregnant. Oh and that being a mom thing seems really hard too.<br />
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I'm writing all around the map, but what I really wanted to do was record how I'm feeling at this time right now, trying to be more mindful. So right this moment, at 11:18 PM, I'm hungry, a tad stressed about my sessions tomorrow, I feel happy about making progress in my goals, I'm giddy about talking to Tess, and I'm glancing at Kona sleep at the end of the bed wishing I was her. Ed and Amandahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15457431683690273525noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8197714381560394921.post-49399763615136803032014-06-09T21:54:00.000-07:002014-06-09T21:54:04.081-07:00I wrote this as a draft while mourning the end of my masters degree. But really, who knew graduating with my masters degree would be so emotional? I have cried just about every other day in the shower when I think about my cohort and how much the MFT program has meant to me. I'm just overwhelmed with the feeling of ending this and having to move on, knowing it will never be the same again. The last two years have been the best years of my life. I have grown more than I could ever know and learned lessons that I couldn't have learned any other way. The people I have spent the last two years with will forever be special to me. Today after I got home from our closing banquet, I just cried. And when we all stood up to be honored and everyone was clapping, and I looked around the room and my whole cohort standing. I locked eyes with a few and had this overwhelming feeling of joy and love. I love them like I've never loved a group of people. Each person means something different to me and has taught me something important about being a human. Words don't describe how grateful I am for the blessing to have been in this program with these people at this time. <br />
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<br />Ed and Amandahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15457431683690273525noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8197714381560394921.post-28010964434063116842013-12-31T12:37:00.000-08:002013-12-31T12:37:03.637-08:002013 !@#*%^!#*2013 has been my hardest year yet, and I never want to forget what I did. In 2013, I...<br />
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Completed almost 500 hours of therapy with individuals, couples, and families<br />
Felt the magic of Disney World<br />
Showed my true lack of navigation skills when I made us miss our flight out of Orlando <br />
Rode a horse bareback<br />
Learned more about myself than ever before; the good and the less good <br />
Proposed a thesis <br />
Thought about getting a PHD and quickly dismissed that crazy idea<br />
Stressed, I keep saying this two year program has taken at least 5 years off my life <br />
Loved on my cats and still let Pearl suck on my ears at night<br />
Went to a cabin with my best friends and played murder in the dark for hours <br />
Also drove a four wheeler over awesome mud puddles and felt really adventurous <br />
Wrote a paper and submitted it for publication to get my scholarship <br />
Relied heavily on my best friends (my cohort) and my husband <br />
Got depressed for a while at the end of summer<br />
Became baby hungry for the first time<br />
Discovered Swig cookies<br />
Ran more miles than ever<br />
Deliberately lost weight (more to work on for 2014)<br />
Said goodbye to my sister for 1.5 years<br />
Cussed with clients and cried with clients <br />
Got 9 cavities filled <br />
Went to the Atlanta temple and Orlando temple<br />
Did the vegetarian thing for a month <br />
Idolized a few of my professors <br />
Ate a penis shaped doughnut at Vudoo Doughnuts in Portland<br />
Listened to a lot of Tegan and Sara, Elvis, Eminem, and Mariah Carey<br />
Binge watched TV with Ed <br />
Took Ed's spin class (he's the best teacher there is) <br />
Got some clients really mad<br />
Helped some clients get really happy<br />
Developed a love for doing puzzles with Ed <br />
Took my first ballet class in 4 years<br />
BYU football games<br />
Watched "The Man With the 150 Pound Scrotum" with my mother-in-law and laughed our heads off<br />
Cried silent tears, public tears, ugly cried, held back tears, ALL THE TEARS <br />
Learned to "be still" <br />
Felt really inadequate and honored to be so many people's therapist <br />
Strengthened my testimony of God's love for me and all his children tenfold <br />
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Thank you, 2013 for making my life Hell on Earth some of the time so that I could grow. The only title appropriate for this post was the F word in all caps, but I knew I would offend too many people. It was really hard a lot of the time, but I also experienced some of the most special moments that will stay in my heart forever. My friends are the best I've ever had and I know they are the friends I will have for life. I realized how absolutely lucky I am to have Ed as my sweetheart and saw him do great things this year as well. It's always better looking back, so now that it's over, I can say 2013 was rewarding and worth it. I'm usually really nostalgic and never want the year to change, but hey, I hate 3's, love 4's, and I'm ready for a new theme aside from the F word! Bring on 2014!<br />
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Ed and Amandahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15457431683690273525noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8197714381560394921.post-6052304548362811862013-11-27T12:14:00.000-08:002013-11-27T12:14:47.727-08:00oh dear...<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><b>NINE! </b></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: large;"><b>9 cavities. </b></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-size: small;">Marriage has officially ruined me. I haven't been to the dentist in 4 years and I guess that's what I get. But also, thanks a lot Utah, I obviously need fluoride in my water. </span><b> </b></span></div>
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I'm going back next Friday to have my entire mouth numbed and drilled into.</div>
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As for now, I will eat as many sweets as possible on Thanksgiving to get more of my money's worth with these cavities. </div>
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And what's worse? Ed only had 3. Not that I wanted him to have more because all together this is costing over $1,000, but I am definitely embarrassed especially since he is the cavity king.</div>
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I realize there could be way bigger things to complain about concerning health, so I'm pretty blessed to <i>only</i> have 9 cavities and otherwise be healthy.</div>
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But seriously, pure panic when they told me. I was hoping to not have one. </div>
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Luckily, they promised me laughing gas, so that should be fun.</div>
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One other random note, who has watched Dexter? We finished the 4th season last night and we are so torn up about it with no one to talk to. </div>
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First world problems right? I love life and I'll be less whiny from now on.</div>
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In other news, a kid in Alabama killed a wild boar weighing 1,050 pounds...I love my country.</div>
Ed and Amandahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15457431683690273525noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8197714381560394921.post-77892534235336068542013-11-25T21:14:00.000-08:002013-11-25T21:14:01.570-08:00Please no cavity I'm literally freaking out about going to dentist tomorrow morning. There are a lot of reasons why I'm scared, but I just needed to write it down somewhere. I may have my first cavity and the thought of the numbing shot makes me want to shrivel up and hide. I have this thing with shots and needles, like I'm gagging right now. If I have a cavity, I will most likely cry. And fabulous, I have 4 clients after that. <br />
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In other news, we are going to Georgia for Christmas and I can't explain how happy that makes my heart. I haven't been back to my home since I started the MFT program! I'm practically a new person now and I've just gone through one of the best/craptastic years of my life. It's all I can do now to not give up on life and just lie in my bed waiting for the day that my plane leaves. Of course, I will have to come back, but it will be the easiest semester. Maybe the most stressful because of the big question of employment, but overall easy in comparison. I'm so excited, I'm even skipping over Thanksgiving in my mind. I need to sit in my bedroom, I need to play on my piano, and I need to see my family.<br />
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Hey, I proposed my thesis and I passed. Now to write the rest of it and be done with academic research papers forever! <br />
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Nothing else is new. I love my clients. I love people's problems. I love people's personalities. I especially love loving clients who I didn't expect to love so much. <br />
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Okay goodnight. Praying for no cavities. Ed and Amandahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15457431683690273525noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8197714381560394921.post-67501892787238893942013-09-27T13:24:00.001-07:002013-09-27T13:24:46.350-07:00Rambly journal entryKona hurt her leg :( The vets don't know if it's a torn ligament, sprain, strain, etc. but she is healing now. The poor girl probably thinks she is stuck limping for the rest of her life and I wish I could tell her it's going to be alright and she can run again eventually. It hurts my heart to watch her limp around, but she's getting more mobile every day. She was wandering too far from our lawn outside, so I told Ed to throw her back onto the lawn. I didn't mean for him to throw her from where he was standing, but he was apparently following really good directions that night and threw her from where he was standing, which was way too far. She landed weird and that's that. Ed felt horrible and guilty, but it was a genuine accident. Although, I did whisper in her ear that night, "I would never throw you that far, ever." <br />
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Ed took me on a great date last Friday night. He bought me beautiful flowers, wrote me a love note, took me to the canyon and taught me how to make a fire. We cooked foil bakes and roasted s'mores. Then he took me to a late movie that was so intense! The movie is called Prisoners and I was holding my breath the whole time. Ed really is good at swooning me when he wants to. The next night we rode our bikes to the BYU game and stopped by Costa Vida for dinner on the way. We lost the game, but it was fun night nevertheless. <br />
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We have been working out almost every day together. Two weeks ago I ran 9 miles and last week I ran 12 miles! That's more than ever in my life. It's a slow process, but I really want to keep getting better at running. I won't mention my pace for those 12 miles, but let's just say Ed can walk next to me. Granted, he is freakishly tall, but I am also going tortoise pace. <br />
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It's getting cold here now and I broke out the hot cocoa last night. Usually every winter Ed and I drink hot chocolate every single night. It's a fun tradition and it makes my tummy warm and kind of hurt, so it puts me to sleep quicker. Does anyone else get a tummy ache after drinking hot chocolate? A good kind of tummy ache?<br />
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Tess is still on her mission in New York waiting on her visa. She's loving it, but anxious to get to Brazil. She's a great example to me and I'm so proud of her! I'm missing my parents lately so much. I never realized until now that when I'm super stressed and overwhelmed, all I want is a hug from my mom and dad and to sit down at my piano in Georgia while my dad bakes a pie. Homesick much? Yes, pretty much 100% of the time now. <br />
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I've decided what my ideal life will be like: Being a licensed MFT and doing about 20 hours of therapy a week in private practice with all couples. Teaching ballet at a studio that is not too serious, but serious enough that it reminds me of ABA back home (no teaching little ones either...teenagers only). And then having about 4 kiddos of my own, a big dog, a fenced in backyard, and a modest home that is comfortable. Also I must go on some type of vacation every 6 months, even if it's just a day trip to the city or something. This is me dreaming as realistically as I can. I really think all of this could be possible and it's exactly what I want. Ed and I like to dream a lot and we often dream of traveling the world together and not having jobs, responsibilities, or kids, but honestly that would get old and I would feel like I had no purpose. <br />
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I was feeling pretty low in July, August, and some of September, but I can feel myself pulling out of it. Thank goodness because I was freaking myself out with how mopey I was being. I could probably label it as a depressive episode, but I'd rather just call it "feeling blue". It sounds less permanent that way and I kind of hate diagnoses. I could go on a rant about that, but I'll spare whoever is reading. <br />
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I'm currently loving school. My classes are interesting and not too hard. I have great teachers and I'm interested in most of the material. It's the extra stuff that's hard on me right now. Clients, thesis, intake work, and coding PLUS class and schoolwork is just hard to juggle. Luckily I'm at about 350 hours out of 500 of therapy, so I'm on track to graduate in April. I'm also about to propose my thesis in October and then I can finish that up. This stuff is freaking hard! The last year of my life has the been the hardest, but the most rewarding. I'm just trying to hold onto the good parts right now instead of the hard and emotional roller coaster parts. There is no way I could have survived this program without Ed's amazing support and the friendship of my sweet cohort. Ed and Amandahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15457431683690273525noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8197714381560394921.post-24785145464133407072013-08-27T22:01:00.000-07:002013-08-27T22:01:09.343-07:00Wahh. You know those times when you start crying for non-obvious reasons and your husband says, "what?" and then you're crying more and can't say anything because you might start gasping if you tried to talk, and your husband is starting to hug you (which makes you cry more), and everyone's confused, even you, and then you try to pin down what's making you so sad and weepy. Luckily this time your husband is genuinely trying to understand when really he's thinking, "what the heck? I guess I'll just hug her?". And still, I haven't pinned it down completely. I could write it off and tell myself it was just a fluke, but people don't just cry for no reason (I'm not pregnant if that was your next question)...I have a few legitimate reasons to cry right now. Who doesn't? Crying is therapeutic for me. I really do feel better now. My process is that I'll feel an emotion strongly but push through it without being very aware and then all of a sudden (a week later, a day later, a month later), it hits me with tears and I realize how sad/stressed/overwhelmed/crazy I feel and then I'm much better for at least being aware of it. That's what has happened to me since middle school. I think I need to meditate more or journal. I think we should all shed tears sometimes. Everyone; dads,
husbands, even strong women will do better if they can just cry a little
sometimes. Anyway, I'll get off my soap box. I start up life again tomorrow. I'm buckling down for the hardest semester of my entire life, but the silver lining is that it's the second to last semester ever. No PHD for me!<br />
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Oh ya, we got a ticket today. Actually two. F the police. And I literally almost said that to the cop as he walked away from our car to let us leave. And I regret not saying it. Ed and Amandahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15457431683690273525noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8197714381560394921.post-68423587917120623512013-08-27T20:22:00.002-07:002013-08-27T20:22:24.463-07:00Jolly(I wrote this last sunday and forgot to post it) (I'm back from Idaho now)<br />
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Someone that I met last night told me, "I'm glad we got to talk, you make me feel jolly for some reason". It may have been the best compliment I've ever gotten. It made my week. I wasn't doing therapy and I wasn't trying to be charming or make anyone feel "jolly". In fact, before she said it, I was thinking the same thing about her. I love when you meet people and you just click for some reason and meeting that person makes you want to be better yourself. Sometimes I feel like I give a lot and I never know what my impact is on people. It's nice to know that something about me was good in that moment with that stranger. <br />
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Another thing made me jolly last night: seeing my niece, Ellie. She is truly God's little creation and I love her with all of my heart! And she knows my name now, which makes my heart jump a little with excitement. <br />
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Today was bittersweet at church, Ed was released from his calling in the Bishopric of the single's ward. I thought I would be rejoicing a little bit more, but I'm actually more sad than anything. I think we will always look back on the last year of our lives and say, "Oh...the single's ward....(sigh)". And that phrase will be said with a tone of nostalgia, thankfulness, and relief.<br />
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We could look back on the last year and say a lot of things. The F word would be fitting again, but also so many good words. I've never felt more stressed, and I've never felt more blessed. <br />
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I'm in a good mood today, I need to write a final and then we are off to Idaho. It is a much needed break from reality. Ed and Amandahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15457431683690273525noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8197714381560394921.post-8932793094645602812013-08-14T21:23:00.003-07:002013-08-14T21:23:36.244-07:00F word <div style="text-align: center;">
The "F word" is making a consistent reappearance in my dreams lately...</div>
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...and that's the best update on my life I could possibly type right now. </div>
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Lately (in my dreams) that word is perfect for when sharks are biting off my legs (Shark Week correlation), when my best friend Janie won't dye her hair dark and I want her to, and when I'm in the dressing room in my studio in Georgia and all my leotards have been strewn about on the ground. I'm laughing as I type now, but in the dreams, I am so seriously stressed out it seems like my eyeballs will pop out of my head. </div>
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But really, I do love my life and feel extremely lucky to be doing what I'm doing. I'm blessed to have met the amazing people I've met in the last year and had the experiences I've had. I've learned more about life and myself in the last year than I have in my lifetime. Let's just hope I can make it until the end! I will. I'm fine. I'm convincing myself. </div>
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Now I've got to go laugh my head off to America's Funniest Home Videos on Youtube with Edweirdo. Hopefully that will give me good dreams?</div>
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Ed and Amandahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15457431683690273525noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8197714381560394921.post-87797537493542161092013-06-10T21:06:00.001-07:002013-06-10T21:06:43.902-07:00Time wasting...<br />
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Amanda and Ed (left) <br />
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Amanda and Michael Jackson (right) <br />
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I can't even count how many combinations of faces I just made....I obviously have no life, or no motivation to do what I'm supposed to be doing. Oh well, it's Monday night and I'm getting ready for a busy week of therapy and the last week of classes for spring term. Bring it on! Grad school is hard. Today I was supposed to be working on my thesis and I feel asleep for almost 3 hours. Yikes! I need a vacation. More like 3 vacations. I'm halfway done with my masters degree! Here are some normal pictures to explain what we've been up to lately without having to write a novel. <br />
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97% of my time is spent believing that going to grad school was the best decision of my life and 3% of the time I wish so deeply that I never started. Normal? Maybe grad school is just turning me into an alien, a therapeutic alien hopefully. It's turning Ed into a superstar of sorts. <br />
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Ed and Amandahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15457431683690273525noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8197714381560394921.post-81893994029586511942013-03-10T11:57:00.001-07:002013-03-10T11:57:05.284-07:00I blogged<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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It's been a while. So let's be random about we're up to lately: <br />
<ul>
<li>watching hours on end of Duck Dynasty and COPS when we should be
doing homework/thesis/cleaning house/working out/anything else remotely
productive... </li>
<li>blasting Macklemore until we can rap the songs and loving Alabama Shakes right now.</li>
<li>guacamole and chips for dinner + oreos.</li>
<li>sleeping horrible for two weeks straight. </li>
<li>stressing to the point that I'm sure my health is in jeopardy.</li>
<li>screaming the F word at people in almost every dream consistently....stress dreams? </li>
<li>giving the cats much needed baths.</li>
<li>planning dates for each other (rare in this marriage) </li>
<li>Ed doing guided imagery to help me fall asleep - "You're on a beach,
listen to the waves crashing, feel your shoulders sinking further into
the sand........"...it's bliss falling asleep to that.</li>
<li>whitening our teeth</li>
<li>Pearl is still sucking on ears</li>
<li>Ed is bishopric-ing the singles</li>
<li>Contemplating a PHD at UGA for Ed?</li>
<li>I'm second guessing my crazy idea to do grad school in the first
place while at the same time being exponentially grateful that I'm doing
what I'm doing.</li>
<li>Ed's is sponsored by Pearl Izumi - what a stud</li>
<li>Seasonal depression curses for the whole state of Utah should be leaving soon. Please, oh please be spring!</li>
<li>pumping iron at the gym together and seeing results :) </li>
<li>my new goal is to get financially stable enough to live in a
smallish house, but go on vacation every 3-6 months. can you tell I'm
wanting to escape life in any way that I can right now? </li>
<li>#$@% the landlord. </li>
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Ed and Amandahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15457431683690273525noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8197714381560394921.post-67721117257836908502013-01-04T21:48:00.000-08:002013-01-04T21:48:58.801-08:00ahh Sylvie, you are my idolSo I'm on a ballet kick. I'm always thinking of ballet, but sometimes I get in these funks where I stay up until 3 in the morning watching my favorite primas on youtube, watch documentaries that I've already seen multiple times, read interviews and try to put personalities with the dancers I love, and choreograph some of my own stuff in the kitchen. It's awesome. You can't be on a ballet kick like that all the time or you won't have time for anything else, so when it happens every once in a while, I love it.<br />
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Anyway, my absolute idol is Sylvie Guillem. I've talked about her before, but I'm intrigued all over again and I want people to know what makes her so great. I am even naming my first girl after her. Not only is Sylvie one of the greatest dancers that has ever lived, she's also a total diva. Lots of people view her as difficult to deal with, rude, or a rebel. This is because she's always done things her way and if someone has a problem with it, she just goes and finds what she wants. I actually love that about her. She doesn't stand for anything that's not up to her standard. She's a diva because she can be. She's one of the best in the world! I hate stuck up people, but when you're actually "the best" I think there is a small allowance for a little bit of that princess attitude. She's peculiar and different in all the right ways if you ask me. There is just something different about Sylvie, the first time I saw her in a video I was seriously in love. I have never seen anyone dance the way she does. On top of her spunky personality and her amazing technique, she's drop dead gorgeous. If I could live another life, I would be Sylvie Guillem. I would be a prima ballerina and a diva just like her. I would have amazing feet and out of this world extensions and prance around like I owned the place. I think I love her so much because I have that spunk in me that always wants to say, "hell no" and other obscenities to people, but I don't have the guts to do it.<br />
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Lately I've been having a lot of doubts about if I'm capable of going through with the pressure of becoming a licensed therapist. I keep thinking "wow, first semester was so incredibly awesome, but I think I'm done." It's just my fear blocking me, but in the back of my mind I think, "should I just have a baby or something? so I don't have to face some of these really scary situations?" but then I know would regret it for the rest of my life. Anyway, this is my favorite quote from Sylvie about why she still dances even though she has wanted to quit so many times:<br />
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"It’s because when finally you achieve something, then you are alive and you
did something that only you can do. And if you don’t do it, if you don’t
push yourself to do it, and look for the best way to do it, then you don’t
wake up"<br />
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I think that's how I will feel after I've accomplished this big goal. I will feel like it's a part of me that I need in order to keep waking up because I pushed myself so hard for it. Sylvie, you're so smart! These are my favorite portraits of her: <br />
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<br />Ed and Amandahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15457431683690273525noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8197714381560394921.post-62316201701802965112013-01-02T22:43:00.002-08:002013-01-02T22:43:26.276-08:00an amazing breakMerry Christmas and Happy New Year!<br />
It's been forever since I've posted and I don't even know where to start. This extra long break has almost been too good because now I'm really feeling the anxiety of starting a new semester. We have had so many fun adventures in San Diego, Burley, and even in Provo, but the greatest part about this break was the people we got to spend our time with. California with Jeff and Hetty was hilarious and comfortable. We made so many great memories and we will definitely be going on more vacations with them. Burley with Ed's parents was also really special. It was just the four of us, which is a rare opportunity because of the many siblings and grandchildren who also love to be around Karen and Norvel. On Christmas Eve we ate Karen's famous clam chowder and rolls and watched several sweet Christmas messages together. I even attempted to whip out some Christmas carols on the piano. Ed and I secretly set up eachother's stockings and feasted on treats for hours into the night. Christmas morning we opened presents, ate a delicious breakfast, and went to see Les Miserables. On the way home we ran out of gas on the freeway and Ed and I pushed the car for about a mile. Although it was a surprise for Christmas day to be running down the freeway pushing the car with my in laws riding in it, it was a pretty hilarious and a great workout. Then next day we made it back to Provo to hang out with my parents. It was great to chow on cheese fondue and watch them laugh their heads off at the movies we watched. Seeing my dad play lego star wars on the xbox with Ed was also priceless. Finally, we spent New Years Eve with the Christenson clan so of course there was lots of food, fireworks, and a fair share of political debates. Ed's family has the full spectrum of political outlooks and they just love to talk discuss them. Usually it drives me nuts hearing it, but I think it was good this year for Ed to get it out of his system. Now we are back on the bandwagon of healthy eating and attempting to accomplish the annual goal of getting fit. Today at Costco the check out lady even asked us if we were on a healthy eating kick because our whole purchase was fruits and veggies. Hopefully we can stick with it. Tonight is documentary night...we are on our second one of the night and will probably try for one more. I'm trying to soak up every last minute of possible relaxation before the semester starts because it's going to be busy and super duper stressville.<br />
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Life is just normal lately, Ed's my best friend and the cats are our everything. We are on a Boggle kick and we fight over the comfy spot on the couch every night. Kona is our panther and Pearl is our hyena. We plan to keep our Christmas lights up until we're sick of them because we like the glow of them. Provo is getting to be freezing right about now and I'm dreaming of being on a beach. Oh Utah, I love you and I hate you. That's all for tonight. Ed and Amandahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15457431683690273525noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8197714381560394921.post-34965277253738795312012-11-01T17:35:00.000-07:002012-11-01T17:35:03.438-07:00post just to postIt's been a fun couple of weeks and it's going to get even better for Ed's birthday this weekend. Last week I had my Halloween party and it was a great success. My cohort is amazing and I loved hanging out with them outside of class.<br />
I've been shopping with friends and getting some serious steals for therapy clothes, you know the whole professional looking thing? Ya, my closet isn't exactly qualified for that.<br />
Ed and I have watched scary movies almost every night. My favorites have been The Skeleton Key and Hannibal (although I've had some really freaky dreams afterward).<br />
We also went to our Single's Ward Halloween party. It was a dinner and dance which proved to be somewhat awkward but still fun as Ed and I boogied pretty much alone the whole time.<br />
Tonight we are going 80's dancing to celebrate Ed's birthday like the old days and I can not wait. It's been so long!<br />
I'm still loving my program, but it's definitely getting harder academically and emotionally. I can't believe I could have my first client next week! My only hope is that they don't ask, "Am I your first client?". Anything else I think I can handle, but that question will probably make me want to cry. Whatever happens I know I'll live through it and move on, right?<br />
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I'm totally out of things to say, I feel like my mind goes blank more often lately and I just think of nothing sometimes. Maybe my brain is working too hard? Ed and Amandahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15457431683690273525noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8197714381560394921.post-88505032417644835872012-10-11T22:28:00.002-07:002012-10-11T22:28:18.091-07:00It's been a while...<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"> I feel like I should write a million pages about grad school, but to sum it all up: There is tremendous value in therapy and I've seen it help people. People are good through and through, they just don't know how to be good in some situations. We are relational beings: relationships heal, relationships hurt...healthy relationships are everything. My teachers are brilliant and inspiring people. The workload is really not too terrible, just a lot of reading, oral presentations, and a few projects. I actually DO my reading (this is huge) and it actually interests me (even more huge). I LOVE my cohort and I know we are all in this program together for a reason. I know for a fact that I'm in the right place at the right time, a feeling I was never completely sure about in my psychology undergrad. I am beyond happy in this program and feel very blessed to have this experience.</span><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;"><span style="font-size: small;"> </span></span></span></span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">Happenings around here: </span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">* I'm planning the most awesome Halloween party for my cohort and I'm going a tad bit obsessive. Oh well, I've got to make life more exciting every once in a while. I've planner a spooky scavenger hunt outside with lots of decorations and treats! Now we just need a costume for Kona (Pearl is wearing the island hussy from last year) and a we need something good for Ed and I to be. Any ideas? I was thinking Joan and Cooper from Mad Men, but people around here don't really watch much Mad Men...a little too racy for the average Provo dweller, so I'd rather do something people know. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">* It's finally Fall! The best time of the year for clothes, food, weather, and anticipation for all the best holidays! I'm so excited for our leaves to turn bright red all over the house <a href="http://edamanda.blogspot.com/2011/10/frame-worthy.html" target="_blank">just like last year</a>. I've bought spiced pumpkin candles and plenty of hot chocolate for the next few months. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">*Ed update: obsessed with Tetris, beyond busy with bishopric, wellsteps, masters program, and research, dented my brand new mac today but I'm telling myself it was an accident to not be mad, sweet husband lately offering free foot massages, dropping me off at school on his only day to sleep in, cuddling at night without screaming "stop touching me, I'm so hot!", listening to me talk about my day while making dinner together and so on. It's the simple things that matter. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">* We've decided on Burley for Thanksgiving (bring on the chocolate pie and all the rest of Karen's cooking!) and a California roadtrip for Christmas! Yay, we are officially grown ups doing our own thing for the holidays. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">* Tess is going on a mission! Thanks to an awesome announcement in general conference and I'm so excited for her! I can't wait to see where she goes! She will be the first missionary I every write consistently (I can be terrible friend sometimes). </span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">* Politics are going to be the death of me. I took two pages of notes during the first presidential debate to try and form my own Amanda opinion and I don't know what to do. Don't give me your input paaaaleeeeease. I don't want to hear another mormon telling me to vote for Mitt and trying to make people feel bad for having a different opinion that may even lead to voting for Obama. Oh no! The enemy! Come on people, it's not like he wants America to suffer, he's a good person, he just has a different opinion than you. It's OKAY, America is not going communist or socialist or whatever other end of the world assumption you want to make. Okay I'm ranting. I hate politics! It makes me really not want to vote because I honestly don't like either one, but Ed says it's un-American to not vote and he won't let his wife commit such a crime. All I know is that I'm friends with way too many extreme voters on facebook and I am never commenting on anything political again (learned my lesson while trying to be Christlike haha a story for a different day). It's never good when you offend family members on facebook in something related to politics. I hope no one takes this paragraph offensively either, I'm just sick of the strong, hate the enemy opinions from both sides. </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">Well I've probably written enough to get a good picture of life now. It's happy go lucky, but busy. A good busy. I need the busy life to be happy. </span>Ed and Amandahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15457431683690273525noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8197714381560394921.post-33488084548360015022012-08-26T18:59:00.001-07:002012-08-26T18:59:34.256-07:00Nerves, Doubt, Anticipate, DreadRemember how I thought I was excited to start my program tomorrow? I was wrong. It's pure nerves, doubting, anticipating, dreading. I feel like I'm on Goliath the roller coast at Six Flags. I'm on the uphill before the ridiculously scary drop and then there will be another two years of ups and downs and scary and maybe a little bit of fun when it's all said and done. Just a few weeks ago when I rode this ride for the first time I thought I would pee my pants. On the slow uphill climb I had my head in Ed's shoulder refusing to look at how high I was and tears were welling up in my closed eyes. I screamed bloody murder the entire ride only stopping to take a big breath to scream more. Just ask Ed, he hated me afterward and for the rest of the day my cousins avoided sitting next me on anything scary because they were afraid for their eardrums. That's how I feel right now. Maybe tomorrow I will feel better after my first class, group therapy. Yes, one of my classes is participating in group therapy with my cohort. Wonderful. I think it will be fun, unless I really hate some of them and then it will just be awkward. The voice in my head is saying, "Be yourself, Amanda. Don't be anyone else. Be you." I'm going to try really hard to do that, because my natural tendency is to really try to have everyone like me and to be boringly fake so that I don't stand out too much but just enough so that people say, "Oh she's nice, I like her". Does anyone know what I mean?<br />
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Telos was interesting this week. I ended up working 4 full days because a teacher got sick, so I subbed her classes. It was great fun. Two things are memorable from those four days: 1. Getting called a bitch by two different boys and 2. having one boy come to me telling me that on a hard day for him, he read the note I gave him on my last official day and it made him cry. I almost cried when he told me that (out of happiness) and I also felt a twinge of cry when the boys called me a bitch (out of being called a bitch of course). What's profound from that? Nothing really, it just made me think about emotion in general and how I handle it. There's such a broad spectrum of emotion. Like when these boys called me a bitch under their breath to each other, I didn't address it right then. I didn't want to make a scene because I had already just made one by kicking out their friend for being disgustingly inappropriate while speaking in French (I caught on because of a hand gesture and the words "peanut butter", so use your imagination). I just waited until the end of class and then confronted them. I couldn't be completely sure that they were specifically calling <i>me</i> that lovely word, but the context was definitely there: I am the only girl in the room, I'm barking orders at them to do their work and stop talking, I just kicked out their friend and took away his participation points, and they are whispering so I won't hear. Yeah, I'd say they were talking about me. So, when I confront them, one of them breaks out in a flurry of manipulation and is acting extremely upset that I would ever accuse him of such a thing. He is breathing hard and bringing drama to every word he says as he explains that they were just saying the word to each other, but not actually talking about me. I said flat out, "That's bull shit, tell me the truth". He went on and on about he abhors when men are disrespectful to women and that I deserve the utmost respect because I am his teacher. I am nodding my head and saying, "I hear you, I can't be sure, so I'm not going to give you a consequence, but I wanted you to know that you hurt my feelings and I expected more from you". He continues with the drama, still denying any part of it and finally the other boy who has been standing in silence cuts him off, "Amanda, I called you a bitch, I'm really sorry, I love you." AH HA! I look straight at the bull shitter and say "Thank you boys, you can go to your next class, I appreciate your honesty" as I look back at the one telling the truth. So there's that story, sorry for the language, that's just how it happened. I just found it so interesting that the two instances that almost made me cry were completely opposite. The other scenario is with this boy who really struggles with his identity, sexuality, just everything and he wishes he was not the way he is. In my note to him I told him to forget about what people think of him and to just be himself because the boy I know, I love. Something like that, just trying to get him to accept himself and love himself by telling him that I don't wish him to be any different and that he is my great friend just the way he is. And it touched him on a hard day when I had been gone a month and he remembered to read it again. It meant so much to me when he told me that because a lot of times at Telos you just have to accept the fact that the boys don't care about you half as much as you care about them. So my heart was warmed and my heart was hurt for a second this week. I've learned so much from Telos, I can't imagine going into this grad program without the experiences and growth I've had since working there.<br />
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Anyway, I need to take my own advice: be myself and love myself. This is the hardest lesson to learn for a lot of people except for the few narcissists of this world, don't worry I ran into several of those at Telos as well. Oh, the stories! I'm sure I will be ranting and rambling about all the emotional things about my program because it really helps me write things down. Maybe this post was a ramble. Good luck to everyone starting a new semester! Ed and Amandahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15457431683690273525noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8197714381560394921.post-43962703745670918672012-08-22T20:11:00.000-07:002012-08-22T20:11:26.368-07:00Alone time <div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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I've always been baffled by the people who say they need "alone time". What is that anyway? And WHY? I hate being alone, I can't function alone.</div>
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But tonight I'm getting it. Tonight I'm sitting on my couch, eating Brick Oven from across the street, and watching So You Think You Can Dance with my two buddies, Pearl and Kona. I'm searching the internet for pillows in my newly improved living room and getting all kinds of ideas for projects. During commercials I'm watching my favorite clips of sytycd and listening to <a href="http://www.prx.org/pieces/73865-two-little-girls-explain-the-worst-haircut-ever" target="_blank">these two</a> hilarious voices. </div>
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I've been going back to Telos the last three days and one more day tomorrow. It's been fun, but I sure am glad that the commitment of going there every day is over. It's a miracle that I'm finally excited to start grad school. I'm excited to be busy and to grow as a person. I've been emotional lately, more than usual, but it's fine. I think it's me secretly freaking out about my life. It's odd to think that after these two years I have the potential to have a real job and then maybe pop out a kid. Maybe move to the south or maybe somewhere totally random. Who knows. </div>
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Anyway, in the process of writing this they just kicked off the best girl on the show, Audrey and I'm pissed. I'm turning off the tv and moving on to the song I can not stop listening to, <a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pFxdDE0k1_Q" target="_blank">Gila by Beach House. </a>The video is weird, but just go with it. </div>
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Ed and Amandahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15457431683690273525noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8197714381560394921.post-1467097385899600192012-08-12T12:48:00.001-07:002012-08-12T12:48:56.387-07:00Summer RecapIt's been a while, so I'm about to just blab. <br />
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Today was our first day in our new SINGLES WARD! That's right, Ed got called as the second counselor in the bishopric of a BYU singles ward. At first I was dreading it, but after going today I think it will actually be a lot of fun and I will probably make a lot of new friends. <br />
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We just got back from GA on Friday. It was a blast and it sucks to have to go back to real life again. The best thing about being there is my house. It feels so peaceful to me. I can wail on my piano, sit on the porch swing during a rainstorm, stare at the pond in silence listening to cicadas and frogs, and zone out riding in the car gawking at green everywhere. I will always love Georgia. <br />
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I am slightly freaking out about grad school. Enough said.<br />
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Before Georgia was the Christenson reunion. I survived doing the 1 mile swim in the river for Spudman and got closer with a few of Ed's siblings. We also had a testimony meeting together that was so great and I got to see another tender side of the family, which I loved.<br />
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We have been married 3 years now. We rock. <br />
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Tess comes home from Africa tomorrow and I can't wait to see her cornrows and have her here in Utah with me! <br />
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We have successfully watched 4 seasons of Breaking Bad and a lot of Olympics on our down time. <br />
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I have had a chance to reconnect with several friends in the last few weeks and it has really motivated me to be a better friend. I want to serve my friends and show them that I care about them instead of relying on them to build me up.<br />
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Eating healthy starts tomorrow. Be good this time around, Amanda. <br />
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Our landlord tried kicking us out for having a cat. Two years late and this guy can SUCK IT. We're staying and that's that. Unless anyone knows of a place in Provo under $700 that allows cats!???<br />
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That's all for now. I love my Edward, my Kona, and my Pearl. I love our crappy apartment. I love our new ward, single and excited about life. I love that I am blessed to be at BYU. I love my friends new and old. I love that Ed loves me. I love that we have fun together every single day without fail. I love being truly happy for other people's successes. I love places and people that bring me joy. And I love <a href="http://lds.org/" target="_blank">the gospel</a>. <br />
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Ed looks beyond cute in this picture. </div>
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</div>Ed and Amandahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15457431683690273525noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8197714381560394921.post-15623879189842941892012-07-08T18:12:00.001-07:002012-07-08T18:12:51.327-07:00Noteworthy from Africa<div style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">
<span style="font-size: small;">My sister, Tess, is in Africa and has been sending emails about her experience. These are a few segments from her I wanted to share. </span></div>
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<span style="font-size: small;">"Yesterday, we visited with Martha, an albino who fights for albino
rights in Tanzania. They are considered a curse here and witch doctors
target them. People hunt them down and chop off their limbs to grind up
in a stew. then kill them afterwards. They think it brings them wealth.
It's sickening. Kate and I met with Martha yesterday and she was telling
us how hard of a time she is having. She is going to lose her job for
being albino, which means she will have no money to help the other
albinos. This is a dang strong woman, but when I gave her a hug, she
started crying, which was too much for me. I didnt want to cry in front
of her, but the moment her taxi pulled away, I sat down and couldn't
help it. Here's the amazing thing: I'm sitting on the ground crying like
a baby, when a car pulls up and Martha gets out. She came
over just to comfort me, hugging me and saying, "I know. I know." That
is the woman she is. With so many problems, she still stopped her taxi
to make sure we were okay."</span></div>
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<span style="font-size: small;">"The
people of Africa are so giving, cheerful, friendly, faithful and
gracious. They have such a different way of life. Sometimes I love it.
Sometimes I hate it, but in the end, I have found that we are all so
very human, regardless of where we are born. Our environment HUGELY
affects our outlook on social issues and the way
we live our everyday lives, but people are people. We all have our
secret struggles and insecurities. We are all just trying to do the best
we can with what we have. Coming here and really getting to know the
good and bad of people has made the world feel much much smaller. NOBODY
is perfect, but we ALL have good in us. That's such a gift from God.
Everyone has something good to offer. The children of Africa always blow
me away with their love and innocence. Anytime they receive a gift or
treat, they immediately return to the other children and share among
them."</span></div>
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<span style="font-size: small;">And this one's funny: </span></div>
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<span style="font-size: small;">"I'm sure I have mentioned before that Africans have less of a personal
bubble. That doesn't bother me, but the teacher at Your Sisters
orphanage just crosses the line. She will talk to me so close that her
lips are rubbing on my face and she strokes my leg and she kept
pretending to try to breast-feed me! Yeah, super awkward. I'm a little
scared of her, so now I kinda just avoid her."</span></div>
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<span style="font-size: small;">What!? I'm baffled by that, how does one adult pretend to breastfeed another adult? </span></div>
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<span style="font-size: 12pt;"><span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif; font-size: small;">And here's the picture of the day. They are best friends, they just don't realize it yet :)</span><span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"> </span> </span><br />
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There has been a lot of stalking, hissing, growling, batting with paws, and even play biting around here between Kona and her new play toy. But then there's the brief cuddles and the recent motherly cleaning of Pearl's fur (cutest thing I've ever seen Kona do). </div>
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We love these two. </div>
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Screw our most hated neighbors and landlord for finally trying to kick us out for having a pet after having Kona for two years. That just shows how inefficient they are right? Two full years!</div>
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Happy fourth of July on Wednesday. We will be grilling everything under the sun and can't wait. </div>Ed and Amandahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15457431683690273525noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8197714381560394921.post-69237846858993499952012-06-06T17:53:00.002-07:002012-06-06T17:53:46.123-07:00completely babbling all to say welcome home, Kona<div style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">
<span style="font-size: small;">Ed went to San Francisco and loved it. I spent last week with Kelli, Hetty, and Grace, thank goodness for them. We started a new quarter at Telos and it looks like it's going to be a good one. I bought some new clothes finally. My parents are in St. Martin this week, so it's really a miracle I'm even getting out of bed in the morning, go me. We are officially going to Georgia in August, hence why I have a reason to get up in the morning. Tess leaves for Africa soon. My beautiful niece, Ellie is one. It's national run day, so I'm obligated to go on a run with Tedward. I'm teaching pointe next semester and I think I'm excited about it. I just took a way-too-long nap and feel disgusted with myself. I can't believe Emily kicked off Charlie from Bachelorette. I watched Miss USA this week and loved every minute of it (childhood dream!). My eyelashes are amazing, thanks Kelli. I'm reading a book; anyone who knows me well, knows this is a full-on miracle. I am currently starving. And this post is a complete babble. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif; font-size: small;">I'm just glad this girl is home and that's all I really wanted to say. </span><br />
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You know the movie "Homeward Bound"? I've just been thinking about what kind of adventures Kona had in the 18 hours she was missing and how she somehow made it home. How far did she go? Did she get in a fight with another cat? Did she run across any streets? I mean, it's not the same as a group of animals finding their way home from across the country, but something big definitely happened for her to be this dirty and shaken up. I'll never know. </div>
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<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">I wish I could post more pictures, but my camera is broken. I've got to go running now, hopefully I make it back breathing. </span>Ed and Amandahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15457431683690273525noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8197714381560394921.post-64689542553794929602012-05-19T10:25:00.001-07:002012-05-19T10:25:23.414-07:00trying<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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An update on life:<br />
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We have successfully thrown away $3,000 on our car. Consequently, there will be no St. Martin, not even a trip to GA. Nothing of the sort.<br />
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As a result: I am depressed, I hate car salesmen and mechanics. I covet anyone going to or even near a beach this summer and I have lost all motivations to look good in a bathing suit. Uh oh, that's not good. <br />
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Kona is getting fat, I'm burned out on my job(s), and Ed is growing a beard.<br />
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How else can I describe our life?<br />
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*The Bachelorette started, which means fun Monday nights with my girls. Although I'm not a huge fan of Emily or her daughter tagging along. <br />
*Ed fell in the duck pond at BYU this past Monday, so classic.<br />
*I am really into artichokes lately. I just want to put them in everything!<br />
*I experienced my first successful run ever and it motivated me to go again. Except that was Monday after I found out the car would be another thousand and I haven't been since. Maybe next week! (which means never) <br />
*I miss my parents and sister and Janie and Sam. Why didn't we move to GA for this 8 month break between school again?<br />
*I'm coding real therapy sessions at the coding lab and let me tell you, it's sad. And so intimidating that I will be doing that next year. The therapists are so amazing, always saying the right thing. Validating everything. I don't know if I can be like that, but I'll have to try. The last one I watched I was crying right there in the lab.<br />
*There are some crazy boys at Telos right now, but I love them. The other day I got to experience a rap battle between the two smallest, scronniest kids there (I'm talking 5 feet tall and under). I had to stop it due to a number of curse words, but it was actually pretty impressive. There is a hilarious moment like that every day at Telos.<br />
*Let's just go through all three of my jobs, my ballet girl's recital is the week after next and they still can't remember it without me doing it in front of them. These are age 8 to 14 girls and we have been working on the dance since February! I need to work at a studio with girls who care. I love ballet, but teaching it to 22 girls who talk the whole time, didn't know a single step of ballet past plies until I taught them the rest of bar, and who walk in 45 minutes late to an hour class and announce themselves is just not the place for me.<br />
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Anyway, life is a little blah right now, but I'm trying to look on the bright side by focusing on the things that make me happy right now: Ed's beard, artichokes, avocados, and cupcakes, happy moments at work, spending time with friends, 2 in the morning decisions to go camping with Ed, Kona stalking me as always, having beautiful eyelashes thanks to Kelli, and vivid dreams of going skydiving and seeing Ed in an army uniform looking smoking hot. I'm trying to do my hair pretty so I can feel some sense of accomplishment day to day. Trying not to eat as much crap. Trying to thank Ed more. Trying to be a better friend. Trying to figure out my own insecurities and face them so I don't have to do so much when grad school starts. Trying to force myself to think about what it would be like to have a baby since it will probably have to happen after grad school, I've got another 2 years maybe more to think about it. Trying to journal more and succeeding. I'm actually thinking of writing a timeline of my life and including every memory I can think of from each year, just adding to it when I think of something. I'm trying people! Trying to do things I don't like to do and trying to do more of what I do sometimes. I could try a lot harder though. I think we all could.<br />
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I'll do that next week :)Ed and Amandahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15457431683690273525noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8197714381560394921.post-90282075015194996462012-05-09T21:53:00.000-07:002012-05-09T21:53:10.395-07:00music is a curei was feeling pretty down earlier today. i've been sick as a dog the last week, fever and everything. terrible. i forgot what it felt like to be sick and i do not want to feel it again. work was annoying. kona attacked me and i had to punish her by shutting her in the bathroom. had a heart to heart with ed, blahhhh. you know how those go if you've been married for a while: you always end up crying and feeling bad because you're actually telling each other the truth. the truth hurts. but then somehow later on that night you feel better because you really talked. i turned on some music and it cured me. i realized how little i listen to music these days. i just go to work and turn on the tv, no music ever. we should all have a little more music in our lives. thought i'd share.Ed and Amandahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15457431683690273525noreply@blogger.com1