Rambly journal entry

Kona hurt her leg :( The vets don't know if it's a torn ligament, sprain, strain, etc. but she is healing now. The poor girl probably thinks she is stuck limping for the rest of her life and I wish I could tell her it's going to be alright and she can run again eventually. It hurts my heart to watch her limp around, but she's getting more mobile every day. She was wandering too far from our lawn outside, so I told Ed to throw her back onto the lawn. I didn't mean for him to throw her from where he was standing, but he was apparently following really good directions that night and threw her from where he was standing, which was way too far. She landed weird and that's that. Ed felt horrible and guilty, but it was a genuine accident. Although, I did whisper in her ear that night, "I would never throw you that far, ever."

Ed took me on a great date last Friday night. He bought me beautiful flowers, wrote me a love note, took me to the canyon and taught me how to make a fire. We cooked foil bakes and roasted s'mores. Then he took me to a late movie that was so intense! The movie is called Prisoners and I was holding my breath the whole time. Ed really is good at swooning me when he wants to. The next night we rode our bikes to the BYU game and stopped by Costa Vida for dinner on the way. We lost the game, but it was fun night nevertheless.

We have been working out almost every day together. Two weeks ago I ran 9 miles and last week I ran 12 miles! That's more than ever in my life. It's a slow process, but I really want to keep getting better at running. I won't mention my pace for those 12 miles, but let's just say Ed can walk next to me. Granted, he is freakishly tall, but I am also going tortoise pace.

It's getting cold here now and I broke out the hot cocoa last night. Usually every winter Ed and I drink hot chocolate every single night. It's a fun tradition and it makes my tummy warm and kind of hurt, so it puts me to sleep quicker. Does anyone else get a tummy ache after drinking hot chocolate? A good kind of tummy ache?

Tess is still on her mission in New York waiting on her visa. She's loving it, but anxious to get to Brazil. She's a great example to me and I'm so proud of her! I'm missing my parents lately so much. I never realized until now that when I'm super stressed and overwhelmed, all I want is a hug from my mom and dad and to sit down at my piano in Georgia while my dad bakes a pie. Homesick much? Yes, pretty much 100% of the time now.

I've decided what my ideal life will be like: Being a licensed MFT and doing about 20 hours of therapy a week in private practice with all couples. Teaching ballet at a studio that is not too serious, but serious enough that it reminds me of ABA back home (no teaching little ones either...teenagers only). And then having about 4 kiddos of my own, a big dog, a fenced in backyard, and a modest home that is comfortable. Also I must go on some type of vacation every 6 months, even if it's just a day trip to the city or something. This is me dreaming as realistically as I can. I really think all of this could be possible and it's exactly what I want. Ed and I like to dream a lot and we often dream of traveling the world together and not having jobs, responsibilities, or kids, but honestly that would get old and I would feel like I had no purpose. 

I was feeling pretty low in July, August, and some of September, but I can feel myself pulling out of it. Thank goodness because I was freaking myself out with how mopey I was being. I could probably label it as a depressive episode, but I'd rather just call it "feeling blue". It sounds less permanent that way and I kind of hate diagnoses. I could go on a rant about that, but I'll spare whoever is reading.

I'm currently loving school. My classes are interesting and not too hard. I have great teachers and I'm interested in most of the material. It's the extra stuff that's hard on me right now. Clients, thesis, intake work, and coding PLUS class and schoolwork is just hard to juggle. Luckily I'm at about 350 hours out of 500 of therapy, so I'm on track to graduate in April. I'm also about to propose my thesis in October and then I can finish that up. This stuff is freaking hard! The last year of my life has the been the hardest, but the most rewarding. I'm just trying to hold onto the good parts right now instead of the hard and emotional roller coaster parts. There is no way I could have survived this program without Ed's amazing support and the friendship of my sweet cohort.