we have to enjoy it

I. Need. This. Print.
The Ballerina Project is simply amazing. I told Ed today that when we have our own house, I will have a ballerina room and buy tons of these prints to absolutely cover every inch of all four walls. I kind of feel like this girl right now. Like I'm trying to relax, but waiting for a storm. I don't know what my storm is, but I can feel it coming on. I'm trying to lay low and just stay calm before my life starts (or should I say continues) to get a little crazy. Grad school, and then a career, babies, then teenagers, and just like that I'll be old and wrinkly with alzheimers or cancer. I'll be asking my kids how old I am and wishing I could just be young again, like 21. HA! So why am I thinking so far ahead when I actually am 21? I shouldn't be.

It's just so crazy that life never stops. You may chill for a few hours watching tv, but you're still getting older, still wasting time sitting at work, but hopefully you're enjoying it.

We have to enjoy it.

If we don't, then what are we here for? You may know already that I absolutely love existentialism, so maybe that's where this is coming from. I need to live what I preach, though. I need to enjoy my life, even when it feels like there is nothing to be enjoyed. I need to create meaning with what I do with my time. I loved what one of my teachers said in my personality class last fall. He was talking about living a meaningful life and said, "Please don't leave when I say this, but why are you all sitting in this class right now? It's Monday night and only one hour into our two and a half hour class. Does it really mean anything to you? If you died tomorrow would you be glad you had come to class?" We all laughed and joked about leaving, but when you think about things like that, it really makes you appreciate what you have. I found myself thinking about how lucky I was to be in college at BYU and loving my major instead of thinking about how many more minutes I had to sit there and be still.

My sister came home from Africa and let me tell you, she's a different person. In a good way, but the main thing I have taken from what I have talked about with her is how happy the people of Africa are, even though in our eyes, many of their lives are filled with suffering and death. They appreciate everything they have. And here I am living the wonderful life of an American and always wishing for more. I don't want to get going about how selfish Americans are and how saintly everyone in a 3rd world country is because I really don't think that's the case. I think we're all great in our own way and we all deserve to be happy or at least content.

Content. That sounds so depressing, I know. But realistically, there are so many people out there who are depressed or sad or below the classification of content that if everyone were at least just okay with their lives, the world would be so much happier. I'm just writing very "stream of consciousness-ly" but hopefully I can wrap this back around to my original message to myself and to whoever is reading (but mostly to myself) that whatever our life may be, we have to enjoy it. And that's all, I really have nothing more to say. I really feel like if we can do that, everything else with fall into place and we can be allowed to be happy. So many people just don't allow themselves to be happy and therefore they aren't.

It's a sad world sometimes. But it's more happy than sad really, we just have to find the happy.

zzzzzzz

I am seriously sleep deprived right now. Just at work waiting for teenage boys to wake up, hoping they sleep all the way till nine so I don't have to do anything till then. Excited to start my calling in primary/nursery today, but mostly excited to take a nap when I finally get home at 5:30. Screw making dinner, screw studying for the GRE...I need to sleep and lounge and do nothing. Probably going for a relaxing bike ride through the streets of Provo tonight when it gets to be dusk with my hubby (after I wake up from a nap of course). I need to set some goals and actually accomplish them this week, but for today, I will be as lazy as I can possibly be.

Babbling...

Alright, let me just babble for a second....

-I have a pinterest. Check it out.
-my house is a total mess
-my sister is in AFRICA...jealousy!
-So You Think You Can Dance is my favorite show
-does anyone know when Project Runway starts?
-also the Bachelorette is just too entertaining to not watch (JP is my favorite!) and Aimes, gotta love Aimes
-I signed up for the GRE...kill me now
-I am once again pale as a ghost
-I have been going to RIPPED and abs twice a week, running, and just started semi-dancing again in hopes of producing an acceptable body image. Now I just need to change my diet and not get two boxes of Krispy Kreme doughnuts for Father's day. oops.

-Can I just say I am married to an amazing man? Sometimes I wish I could be better for him, like more wifey. (definition of wifey=cooks, cleans, wants babies, bakes bread, showers every day) So anyway, Ed and I were driving last week and we were talking about some girl and I said she's a good wife. Ed was like, "What do you mean?". I explained that she does all the wifey things and he said, "I'd rather have a wife like you who I can have fun with and actually talk to than a wifey wife." Now, this seems like Duh, but it feels so good to hear it. You know how there's always an ideal you in your mind and then there's the real you that's always slightly less amazing? Well, my ideal me is MUCH different than the real me and when I hear my husband say that he likes the real me better than the ideal me, it makes my heart sing with gratitude for what a catch I have for a husband. He brings me back to earth and lets me know he likes my curves, that the few dinners I can make taste good, and he thanks me when I do the dishes instead of just expecting it. Of course I don't believe some of the things he says (because even if he's satisfied with me, it doesn't always mean I am), BUT it definitely helps me to not get down on myself as much as I probably would. I don't know what I would do without Ed. He helps me appreciate the little things I have in life and forces me to stay positive. Even when I resist his optimism, it still has an effect on me and my outlook on life. Anyway, that was a long novel basically saying I LOVE ED.

I've run out of things to say now so I'll just shut up. Tonight was fun though with Ed. We really are two peas in a pod and he is adorably sleeping next to me with Kona in his arms like a baby. I might just have to take a picture of this. Goodnight, sleep tight, I'm sleepin' in tomorrow!!

happy weekend

It's funny how some weekends are so fabulously fun and some are so disappointingly boring.
Luckily, this past weekend was the former.


I guess the fun wouldn't be so great if we didn't experience the hard and boring at other times.

Weirdly passionate about the content and perception of my blog

So, I've been wanting to use this blog as more of a journal because let's face it, I will never get back into the habit I had in high school of handwriting in a diary every night. Then again, if it's a journal, then it's personal and there are those things in life that you don't want to broadcast across the entire internet. I know I could put it on private, but that's just lame. So, I will probably just treat it as a journal and keep out the really personal/dramatic/feeling bad about myself at times/got in a fight with husband/woe is me/this friend is annoying me, blah, blah, blah STUFF and stick to normal things like my job, my husband, and my cat.

Blogs are interesting. They are all different in their own little ways and yet, so the same. Women blabbing about this and that has never bothered me because I was always one of those women. One time someone said to me that blogs were completely narcissistic and I got so embarrassed because I was afraid mine could fall into that category. Well of course it could! It's a website made by me devoted to my thoughts and my perspective. How could that not be a tad bit narcissistic? And I could say, "Oh, well I'm only posting so that my family can check and see what I've been up to" or "I am just using it to remember all the fun things I have done", but really I have no idea why I have this blog. I just have it, and you know what? I can write whatever I dang well please on it. Realistically, no one is hanging on my every word except me, so why worry about what to write or how to write it?

So this is my new pledge: To write on this blog like a journal and include whatever I want without worrying about sounding conceded or selfish or nice or a good wife, etc. I just want to be real.

And with that said, I can move on. I don't even know why I felt empowered to write that.

So for an update on life...same old, same old. Work is stressful, and that's a post for another day. The sun has finally decided to shine and I have finally decided to start studying for the GRE (which I am supposed to be taking this month). I am starting to question my entire life's plan and it's scary, but I'm sure I will just stick to what I've been planning on: apply for MFT schools (namely BYU), graduate, work for 8 months, go to grad school, get licensed, and have babies. But who knows, right now I'm feeling like there is a good chance I could suck at therapy, I may not get into the schools I want, and I may never bring myself to give birth. On a happier note, I'm starting to get really excited for Tess to come out for school and we are even in a class together! I can't wait to be with my sister again at least for a semester. We are thinking of maybe moving to GA or Salt Lake for the eight months between graduating and starting grad school, but we will most likely just stay here in our tiny basement apartment that we love so much. Life is good, but it just gets boring sometimes and that's the rut I'm in right now. Along with a buttload of stress. But before I know it, I will be graduated and on my way to grad school and I will look at this time and be thankful that I worked so much and tried so hard to reach my goals.

GA and Ellie

So....
WE WENT TO GEORGIA!
and it was hands down one of the best weeks ever.
Tess had no idea we were coming for her graduation and the surprise was perfect!

When we went to GA for Christmas, we both got super sick and couldn't enjoy any of the delicious food that the South had to offer....So this time, we stuffed ourselves!

This was by far the best seafood I have ever had!

Fancy caramel apples...

KFC at Stone Mtn....

and Southern BBQ in the mountains.

I reunited with my best friends

We stopped by Savannah, one of the most magical cities on earth.

And finally lounged on Hilton Head beach and swam in the ocean with dolphins galore!

Ed and I have gone into a deep depression now that we are back home and back at work, but that's just life I guess. Seriously though, my new life's goal is to make millions of dollars really fast so that I can travel around the world constantly and never have to work again.
Oh, that's your dream too? Thought so.
I cut my hair off! 9 inches to be exact and I love it. I'm also trying to get back in shape by doing RIPPED and Abs classes at BYU and oh my gosh, they are killer but so worth it.
I'm pretty much totally sick of working and that's all I will say about that.
But now for the best new of all.....My brother Ben and his wife Amy had their baby!
Her name is Ellie and she has won my heart. She is my very first real niece (other than my 23 nieces and nephews from Ed's side).

Ellie is such a little angel.