better

sometimes you look at your life and think, what the heck am i doing? what do i need to change? what did i need to change back in high school? what did i need to change a year ago?

it's the same old crap.

when your new years resolutions are the same 5 things every year, that's the light bulb that you're not accomplishing anything you really want to be accomplishing.

sure, you're doing other stuff: graduating from college, working,  gaining life experience, cooking more dinners...blah, blah, blah, more meaningless undertakings of daily life. not that those are meaningless, but nothing's being done about YOU.

at the risk of sounding depressed, i'm going to finish this post. whatever, we all feel like this sometimes right? i hope so. plus, i hate blogs that are always problem-less. sorry, but people don't live their lives like that. 

take action. you're always saying, "i'll do that sometime. i'll work on myself later when i have time."

THIS IS THE TIME. 

life is only going to get crazier. i want to be a better wife. a better friend. a better sister and daughter. eventually a better parent, therapist, grandparent. and the whole time, it all stems back to being a better individual. that sounds loopy and confusing. i'm saying, we've got these personal problems stashed in the back of our minds: self-image, confidence, anxiety, selfishness, laziness, jealousy, pride, etc. it's all different for each of us, but really it's all the same. and that whole bundle of crap plays into the kind of wife, sister, daughter, friend, parent you are. so push everything out of the way and for once, accomplish one thing to better yourself. ask for help. accomplish a goal. pray about it. study it out. put it at the forefront of your mind. you don't want to look back a year from now again and have nothing checked off your list.

life is great, but it could be better and that's up to you. 

in the meantime, enjoy what you have. enjoy your amazing husband who tucks you into bed and watches 20 youtube videos of Jason Segel with you just because. enjoy your cat who hates you, but find the fun in being chased all around the house during the least expected times. enjoy your job. that's a hard one sometimes, but at least don't be wishing there's a real fire when you're out on the lawn because of a drill so you don't have to go back again to another day. enjoy this basement apartment with four different types of ceilings and the worst neighbors (who are now your landlords, joy). enjoy friends who are always there for you to vent and laugh with. enjoy the student life of hole-in-the-wall chinese and bike rides as a source of fun. there is a lot to be happy about. i have a great life and i'm so so lucky. but it's up to me to make something more of this and to improve myself. at least for the benefit of others around me.

i just took a deep breath. i'm fine. i'm writing this purely for myself as a vent and a motivator, but i bet i'm not alone in these thoughts. 

stand a little taller, people.