trying

An update on life:

We have successfully thrown away $3,000 on our car. Consequently, there will be no St. Martin, not even a trip to GA. Nothing of the sort.

As a result: I am depressed, I hate car salesmen and mechanics. I covet anyone going to or even near a beach this summer and I have lost all motivations to look good in a bathing suit. Uh oh, that's not good.

Kona is getting fat, I'm burned out on my job(s), and Ed is growing a beard.

How else can I describe our life?

*The Bachelorette started, which means fun Monday nights with my girls. Although I'm not a huge fan of Emily or her daughter tagging along.
*Ed fell in the duck pond at BYU this past Monday, so classic.
*I am really into artichokes lately. I just want to put them in everything!
*I experienced my first successful run ever and it motivated me to go again. Except that was Monday after I found out the car would be another thousand and I haven't been since. Maybe next week! (which means never) 
*I miss my parents and sister and Janie and Sam. Why didn't we move to GA for this 8 month break between school again?
*I'm coding real therapy sessions at the coding lab and let me tell you, it's sad. And so intimidating that I will be doing that next year. The therapists are so amazing, always saying the right thing. Validating everything. I don't know if I can be like that, but I'll have to try. The last one I watched I was crying right there in the lab.
*There are some crazy boys at Telos right now, but I love them. The other day I got to experience a rap battle between the two smallest, scronniest kids there (I'm talking 5 feet tall and under). I had to stop it due to a number of curse words, but it was actually pretty impressive. There is a hilarious moment like that every day at Telos.
*Let's just go through all three of my jobs, my ballet girl's recital is the week after next and they still can't remember it without me doing it in front of them. These are age 8 to 14 girls and we have been working on the dance since February! I need to work at a studio with girls who care. I love ballet, but teaching it to 22 girls who talk the whole time, didn't know a single step of ballet past plies until I taught them the rest of bar, and who walk in 45 minutes late to an hour class and announce themselves is just not the place for me.

Anyway, life is a little blah right now, but I'm trying to look on the bright side by focusing on the things that make me happy right now: Ed's beard, artichokes, avocados, and cupcakes, happy moments at work, spending time with friends, 2 in the morning decisions to go camping with Ed, Kona stalking me as always, having beautiful eyelashes thanks to Kelli, and vivid dreams of going skydiving and seeing Ed in an army uniform looking smoking hot. I'm trying to do my hair pretty so I can feel some sense of accomplishment day to day. Trying not to eat as much crap. Trying to thank Ed more. Trying to be a better friend. Trying to figure out my own insecurities and face them so I don't have to do so much when grad school starts. Trying to force myself to think about what it would be like to have a baby since it will probably have to happen after grad school, I've got another 2 years maybe more to think about it. Trying to journal more and succeeding. I'm actually thinking of writing a timeline of my life and including every memory I can think of from each year, just adding to it when I think of something. I'm trying people! Trying to do things I don't like to do and trying to do more of what I do sometimes. I could try a lot harder though. I think we all could.

I'll do that next week :)