(I wrote this last sunday and forgot to post it) (I'm back from Idaho now)
Someone that I met last night told me, "I'm glad we got to talk, you make me feel jolly for some reason". It may have been the best compliment I've ever gotten. It made my week. I wasn't doing therapy and I wasn't trying to be charming or make anyone feel "jolly". In fact, before she said it, I was thinking the same thing about her. I love when you meet people and you just click for some reason and meeting that person makes you want to be better yourself. Sometimes I feel like I give a lot and I never know what my impact is on people. It's nice to know that something about me was good in that moment with that stranger.
Another thing made me jolly last night: seeing my niece, Ellie. She is truly God's little creation and I love her with all of my heart! And she knows my name now, which makes my heart jump a little with excitement.
Today was bittersweet at church, Ed was released from his calling in the Bishopric of the single's ward. I thought I would be rejoicing a little bit more, but I'm actually more sad than anything. I think we will always look back on the last year of our lives and say, "Oh...the single's ward....(sigh)". And that phrase will be said with a tone of nostalgia, thankfulness, and relief.
We could look back on the last year and say a lot of things. The F word would be fitting again, but also so many good words. I've never felt more stressed, and I've never felt more blessed.
I'm in a good mood today, I need to write a final and then we are off to Idaho. It is a much needed break from reality.
Tuesday, August 27, 2013
Wednesday, August 14, 2013
F word
The "F word" is making a consistent reappearance in my dreams lately...
...and that's the best update on my life I could possibly type right now.
Lately (in my dreams) that word is perfect for when sharks are biting off my legs (Shark Week correlation), when my best friend Janie won't dye her hair dark and I want her to, and when I'm in the dressing room in my studio in Georgia and all my leotards have been strewn about on the ground. I'm laughing as I type now, but in the dreams, I am so seriously stressed out it seems like my eyeballs will pop out of my head.
But really, I do love my life and feel extremely lucky to be doing what I'm doing. I'm blessed to have met the amazing people I've met in the last year and had the experiences I've had. I've learned more about life and myself in the last year than I have in my lifetime. Let's just hope I can make it until the end! I will. I'm fine. I'm convincing myself.
Now I've got to go laugh my head off to America's Funniest Home Videos on Youtube with Edweirdo. Hopefully that will give me good dreams?
Monday, June 10, 2013
Time wasting...
Amanda and Ed (left)
Amanda and Michael Jackson (right)
I can't even count how many combinations of faces I just made....I obviously have no life, or no motivation to do what I'm supposed to be doing. Oh well, it's Monday night and I'm getting ready for a busy week of therapy and the last week of classes for spring term. Bring it on! Grad school is hard. Today I was supposed to be working on my thesis and I feel asleep for almost 3 hours. Yikes! I need a vacation. More like 3 vacations. I'm halfway done with my masters degree! Here are some normal pictures to explain what we've been up to lately without having to write a novel.
97% of my time is spent believing that going to grad school was the best decision of my life and 3% of the time I wish so deeply that I never started. Normal? Maybe grad school is just turning me into an alien, a therapeutic alien hopefully. It's turning Ed into a superstar of sorts.
Sunday, March 10, 2013
I blogged
- watching hours on end of Duck Dynasty and COPS when we should be doing homework/thesis/cleaning house/working out/anything else remotely productive...
- blasting Macklemore until we can rap the songs and loving Alabama Shakes right now.
- guacamole and chips for dinner + oreos.
- sleeping horrible for two weeks straight.
- stressing to the point that I'm sure my health is in jeopardy.
- screaming the F word at people in almost every dream consistently....stress dreams?
- giving the cats much needed baths.
- planning dates for each other (rare in this marriage)
- Ed doing guided imagery to help me fall asleep - "You're on a beach, listen to the waves crashing, feel your shoulders sinking further into the sand........"...it's bliss falling asleep to that.
- whitening our teeth
- Pearl is still sucking on ears
- Ed is bishopric-ing the singles
- Contemplating a PHD at UGA for Ed?
- I'm second guessing my crazy idea to do grad school in the first place while at the same time being exponentially grateful that I'm doing what I'm doing.
- Ed's is sponsored by Pearl Izumi - what a stud
- Seasonal depression curses for the whole state of Utah should be leaving soon. Please, oh please be spring!
- pumping iron at the gym together and seeing results :)
- my new goal is to get financially stable enough to live in a smallish house, but go on vacation every 3-6 months. can you tell I'm wanting to escape life in any way that I can right now?
- #$@% the landlord.
Friday, January 4, 2013
ahh Sylvie, you are my idol
So I'm on a ballet kick. I'm always thinking of ballet, but sometimes I get in these funks where I stay up until 3 in the morning watching my favorite primas on youtube, watch documentaries that I've already seen multiple times, read interviews and try to put personalities with the dancers I love, and choreograph some of my own stuff in the kitchen. It's awesome. You can't be on a ballet kick like that all the time or you won't have time for anything else, so when it happens every once in a while, I love it.
Anyway, my absolute idol is Sylvie Guillem. I've talked about her before, but I'm intrigued all over again and I want people to know what makes her so great. I am even naming my first girl after her. Not only is Sylvie one of the greatest dancers that has ever lived, she's also a total diva. Lots of people view her as difficult to deal with, rude, or a rebel. This is because she's always done things her way and if someone has a problem with it, she just goes and finds what she wants. I actually love that about her. She doesn't stand for anything that's not up to her standard. She's a diva because she can be. She's one of the best in the world! I hate stuck up people, but when you're actually "the best" I think there is a small allowance for a little bit of that princess attitude. She's peculiar and different in all the right ways if you ask me. There is just something different about Sylvie, the first time I saw her in a video I was seriously in love. I have never seen anyone dance the way she does. On top of her spunky personality and her amazing technique, she's drop dead gorgeous. If I could live another life, I would be Sylvie Guillem. I would be a prima ballerina and a diva just like her. I would have amazing feet and out of this world extensions and prance around like I owned the place. I think I love her so much because I have that spunk in me that always wants to say, "hell no" and other obscenities to people, but I don't have the guts to do it.
Lately I've been having a lot of doubts about if I'm capable of going through with the pressure of becoming a licensed therapist. I keep thinking "wow, first semester was so incredibly awesome, but I think I'm done." It's just my fear blocking me, but in the back of my mind I think, "should I just have a baby or something? so I don't have to face some of these really scary situations?" but then I know would regret it for the rest of my life. Anyway, this is my favorite quote from Sylvie about why she still dances even though she has wanted to quit so many times:
"It’s because when finally you achieve something, then you are alive and you did something that only you can do. And if you don’t do it, if you don’t push yourself to do it, and look for the best way to do it, then you don’t wake up"
I think that's how I will feel after I've accomplished this big goal. I will feel like it's a part of me that I need in order to keep waking up because I pushed myself so hard for it. Sylvie, you're so smart! These are my favorite portraits of her:
Anyway, my absolute idol is Sylvie Guillem. I've talked about her before, but I'm intrigued all over again and I want people to know what makes her so great. I am even naming my first girl after her. Not only is Sylvie one of the greatest dancers that has ever lived, she's also a total diva. Lots of people view her as difficult to deal with, rude, or a rebel. This is because she's always done things her way and if someone has a problem with it, she just goes and finds what she wants. I actually love that about her. She doesn't stand for anything that's not up to her standard. She's a diva because she can be. She's one of the best in the world! I hate stuck up people, but when you're actually "the best" I think there is a small allowance for a little bit of that princess attitude. She's peculiar and different in all the right ways if you ask me. There is just something different about Sylvie, the first time I saw her in a video I was seriously in love. I have never seen anyone dance the way she does. On top of her spunky personality and her amazing technique, she's drop dead gorgeous. If I could live another life, I would be Sylvie Guillem. I would be a prima ballerina and a diva just like her. I would have amazing feet and out of this world extensions and prance around like I owned the place. I think I love her so much because I have that spunk in me that always wants to say, "hell no" and other obscenities to people, but I don't have the guts to do it.
Lately I've been having a lot of doubts about if I'm capable of going through with the pressure of becoming a licensed therapist. I keep thinking "wow, first semester was so incredibly awesome, but I think I'm done." It's just my fear blocking me, but in the back of my mind I think, "should I just have a baby or something? so I don't have to face some of these really scary situations?" but then I know would regret it for the rest of my life. Anyway, this is my favorite quote from Sylvie about why she still dances even though she has wanted to quit so many times:
"It’s because when finally you achieve something, then you are alive and you did something that only you can do. And if you don’t do it, if you don’t push yourself to do it, and look for the best way to do it, then you don’t wake up"
I think that's how I will feel after I've accomplished this big goal. I will feel like it's a part of me that I need in order to keep waking up because I pushed myself so hard for it. Sylvie, you're so smart! These are my favorite portraits of her:
Wednesday, January 2, 2013
an amazing break
Merry Christmas and Happy New Year!
It's been forever since I've posted and I don't even know where to start. This extra long break has almost been too good because now I'm really feeling the anxiety of starting a new semester. We have had so many fun adventures in San Diego, Burley, and even in Provo, but the greatest part about this break was the people we got to spend our time with. California with Jeff and Hetty was hilarious and comfortable. We made so many great memories and we will definitely be going on more vacations with them. Burley with Ed's parents was also really special. It was just the four of us, which is a rare opportunity because of the many siblings and grandchildren who also love to be around Karen and Norvel. On Christmas Eve we ate Karen's famous clam chowder and rolls and watched several sweet Christmas messages together. I even attempted to whip out some Christmas carols on the piano. Ed and I secretly set up eachother's stockings and feasted on treats for hours into the night. Christmas morning we opened presents, ate a delicious breakfast, and went to see Les Miserables. On the way home we ran out of gas on the freeway and Ed and I pushed the car for about a mile. Although it was a surprise for Christmas day to be running down the freeway pushing the car with my in laws riding in it, it was a pretty hilarious and a great workout. Then next day we made it back to Provo to hang out with my parents. It was great to chow on cheese fondue and watch them laugh their heads off at the movies we watched. Seeing my dad play lego star wars on the xbox with Ed was also priceless. Finally, we spent New Years Eve with the Christenson clan so of course there was lots of food, fireworks, and a fair share of political debates. Ed's family has the full spectrum of political outlooks and they just love to talk discuss them. Usually it drives me nuts hearing it, but I think it was good this year for Ed to get it out of his system. Now we are back on the bandwagon of healthy eating and attempting to accomplish the annual goal of getting fit. Today at Costco the check out lady even asked us if we were on a healthy eating kick because our whole purchase was fruits and veggies. Hopefully we can stick with it. Tonight is documentary night...we are on our second one of the night and will probably try for one more. I'm trying to soak up every last minute of possible relaxation before the semester starts because it's going to be busy and super duper stressville.
Life is just normal lately, Ed's my best friend and the cats are our everything. We are on a Boggle kick and we fight over the comfy spot on the couch every night. Kona is our panther and Pearl is our hyena. We plan to keep our Christmas lights up until we're sick of them because we like the glow of them. Provo is getting to be freezing right about now and I'm dreaming of being on a beach. Oh Utah, I love you and I hate you. That's all for tonight.
It's been forever since I've posted and I don't even know where to start. This extra long break has almost been too good because now I'm really feeling the anxiety of starting a new semester. We have had so many fun adventures in San Diego, Burley, and even in Provo, but the greatest part about this break was the people we got to spend our time with. California with Jeff and Hetty was hilarious and comfortable. We made so many great memories and we will definitely be going on more vacations with them. Burley with Ed's parents was also really special. It was just the four of us, which is a rare opportunity because of the many siblings and grandchildren who also love to be around Karen and Norvel. On Christmas Eve we ate Karen's famous clam chowder and rolls and watched several sweet Christmas messages together. I even attempted to whip out some Christmas carols on the piano. Ed and I secretly set up eachother's stockings and feasted on treats for hours into the night. Christmas morning we opened presents, ate a delicious breakfast, and went to see Les Miserables. On the way home we ran out of gas on the freeway and Ed and I pushed the car for about a mile. Although it was a surprise for Christmas day to be running down the freeway pushing the car with my in laws riding in it, it was a pretty hilarious and a great workout. Then next day we made it back to Provo to hang out with my parents. It was great to chow on cheese fondue and watch them laugh their heads off at the movies we watched. Seeing my dad play lego star wars on the xbox with Ed was also priceless. Finally, we spent New Years Eve with the Christenson clan so of course there was lots of food, fireworks, and a fair share of political debates. Ed's family has the full spectrum of political outlooks and they just love to talk discuss them. Usually it drives me nuts hearing it, but I think it was good this year for Ed to get it out of his system. Now we are back on the bandwagon of healthy eating and attempting to accomplish the annual goal of getting fit. Today at Costco the check out lady even asked us if we were on a healthy eating kick because our whole purchase was fruits and veggies. Hopefully we can stick with it. Tonight is documentary night...we are on our second one of the night and will probably try for one more. I'm trying to soak up every last minute of possible relaxation before the semester starts because it's going to be busy and super duper stressville.
Life is just normal lately, Ed's my best friend and the cats are our everything. We are on a Boggle kick and we fight over the comfy spot on the couch every night. Kona is our panther and Pearl is our hyena. We plan to keep our Christmas lights up until we're sick of them because we like the glow of them. Provo is getting to be freezing right about now and I'm dreaming of being on a beach. Oh Utah, I love you and I hate you. That's all for tonight.
Thursday, November 1, 2012
post just to post
It's been a fun couple of weeks and it's going to get even better for Ed's birthday this weekend. Last week I had my Halloween party and it was a great success. My cohort is amazing and I loved hanging out with them outside of class.
I've been shopping with friends and getting some serious steals for therapy clothes, you know the whole professional looking thing? Ya, my closet isn't exactly qualified for that.
Ed and I have watched scary movies almost every night. My favorites have been The Skeleton Key and Hannibal (although I've had some really freaky dreams afterward).
We also went to our Single's Ward Halloween party. It was a dinner and dance which proved to be somewhat awkward but still fun as Ed and I boogied pretty much alone the whole time.
Tonight we are going 80's dancing to celebrate Ed's birthday like the old days and I can not wait. It's been so long!
I'm still loving my program, but it's definitely getting harder academically and emotionally. I can't believe I could have my first client next week! My only hope is that they don't ask, "Am I your first client?". Anything else I think I can handle, but that question will probably make me want to cry. Whatever happens I know I'll live through it and move on, right?
I'm totally out of things to say, I feel like my mind goes blank more often lately and I just think of nothing sometimes. Maybe my brain is working too hard?
I've been shopping with friends and getting some serious steals for therapy clothes, you know the whole professional looking thing? Ya, my closet isn't exactly qualified for that.
Ed and I have watched scary movies almost every night. My favorites have been The Skeleton Key and Hannibal (although I've had some really freaky dreams afterward).
We also went to our Single's Ward Halloween party. It was a dinner and dance which proved to be somewhat awkward but still fun as Ed and I boogied pretty much alone the whole time.
Tonight we are going 80's dancing to celebrate Ed's birthday like the old days and I can not wait. It's been so long!
I'm still loving my program, but it's definitely getting harder academically and emotionally. I can't believe I could have my first client next week! My only hope is that they don't ask, "Am I your first client?". Anything else I think I can handle, but that question will probably make me want to cry. Whatever happens I know I'll live through it and move on, right?
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