Sunday, June 12, 2011

Weirdly passionate about the content and perception of my blog

So, I've been wanting to use this blog as more of a journal because let's face it, I will never get back into the habit I had in high school of handwriting in a diary every night. Then again, if it's a journal, then it's personal and there are those things in life that you don't want to broadcast across the entire internet. I know I could put it on private, but that's just lame. So, I will probably just treat it as a journal and keep out the really personal/dramatic/feeling bad about myself at times/got in a fight with husband/woe is me/this friend is annoying me, blah, blah, blah STUFF and stick to normal things like my job, my husband, and my cat.

Blogs are interesting. They are all different in their own little ways and yet, so the same. Women blabbing about this and that has never bothered me because I was always one of those women. One time someone said to me that blogs were completely narcissistic and I got so embarrassed because I was afraid mine could fall into that category. Well of course it could! It's a website made by me devoted to my thoughts and my perspective. How could that not be a tad bit narcissistic? And I could say, "Oh, well I'm only posting so that my family can check and see what I've been up to" or "I am just using it to remember all the fun things I have done", but really I have no idea why I have this blog. I just have it, and you know what? I can write whatever I dang well please on it. Realistically, no one is hanging on my every word except me, so why worry about what to write or how to write it?

So this is my new pledge: To write on this blog like a journal and include whatever I want without worrying about sounding conceded or selfish or nice or a good wife, etc. I just want to be real.

And with that said, I can move on. I don't even know why I felt empowered to write that.

So for an update on life...same old, same old. Work is stressful, and that's a post for another day. The sun has finally decided to shine and I have finally decided to start studying for the GRE (which I am supposed to be taking this month). I am starting to question my entire life's plan and it's scary, but I'm sure I will just stick to what I've been planning on: apply for MFT schools (namely BYU), graduate, work for 8 months, go to grad school, get licensed, and have babies. But who knows, right now I'm feeling like there is a good chance I could suck at therapy, I may not get into the schools I want, and I may never bring myself to give birth. On a happier note, I'm starting to get really excited for Tess to come out for school and we are even in a class together! I can't wait to be with my sister again at least for a semester. We are thinking of maybe moving to GA or Salt Lake for the eight months between graduating and starting grad school, but we will most likely just stay here in our tiny basement apartment that we love so much. Life is good, but it just gets boring sometimes and that's the rut I'm in right now. Along with a buttload of stress. But before I know it, I will be graduated and on my way to grad school and I will look at this time and be thankful that I worked so much and tried so hard to reach my goals.

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